New Year Funny SMS Text Messages 2011
- Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution. - Jay Leno
- Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self-assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle. - Eric Zorn
- An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. -Bill Vaughn
- New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions. -Mark Twain
- Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to. -Bill Vaughan
- May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions! -Joey Adams
- Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account. -Oscar Wilde
- Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals? -Ogden Nash
- New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time. -James Agate
- New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. -Jay Leno
- The only way to spend New Year's Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears. -Wystan Hugh (W.H.) Auden
- Stir the eggnog, lift the toddy, Happy New Year, everybody. -Phyllis McGinley
- The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to. -P.J. ORourke
