- Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.
- Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.
- I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.
- Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.
- Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.
- Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.
- Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on 'roids, or they'll flush my ass.
- Always scoot before licking.
- Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.
- Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.
- January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock. AND the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets...
- I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.
Courtsey
